“Anarchy. Acts of terror. Crimes against the public. To combat it, I’ve got special men. Experts from the Army, the police, from every service. These are the Professionals.”
If you’re a reader of this blog, you might have noticed that the entries for the last few years have been a bit sporadic. This is because fundamentally, I’m a pretty lazy person. I like writing, but if I’m going to do it regularly, I need something to make me do it. In the past, that motivation has been provided by doing episode by episode reviews of weekly TV shows; after all, I originally started this blog to write lengthy essays about each new ep of Doctor Who.
But with TV shows now usually dropped in complete seasons on a given day, that’s getting harder (and, yeah, I do have an actual job that gets in the way too). Three years ago, I dealt with a show like that anyway, because I was passionate about it – Netflix’s adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman. I thought about doing that again, now there’s a new season at last.
But in the interim, there’s been some nasty revelations about Neil Gaiman. While I still like the story, and I’m watching the show, I felt uneasy about giving him any more attention. Plus, I wasn’t sure I could be as objective about the material, knowing what I now know about its author. Every episode I watch, the shadow of the knowledge about him hangs in the background – particularly given that the title character is a pretty obvious author surrogate.
So I’ve decided to spur myself on by doing episode by episode reviews of a show that hasn’t been on TV for decades – 1970s classic The Professionals. Surely nothing controversial about that – a show so steeped in 1970s values like casual misogyny, racism and homophobia?
Well, you might be surprised. I retrieved my fancy Hi Def blu rays of the show on a recent trip to the UK, and I’ve started rewatching them. And while the show is certainly… unreconstructed in its view of women, it’s far from the cesspit of reactionary values you might remember it as being (if you’re old enough to remember it at all, that is). So let’s start at the beginning.
So, what is The Professionals?
Glad you asked. It was basically a crime thriller, that was hugely popular among men of my generation. Possibly women too – but given its mix of cars, guns and unintentionally (?) homoerotic bromance, I’m less sure about that.
The show was the brainchild of Brian Clemens, whose previous successes were cult 60s classic The Avengers, and its rather less successful 1970s followup, The New Avengers. In many ways, The Professionals is a logical evolution from those shows. Just as The New Avengers moved away from the quirky, late-60s whimsy of its predecessor to tell (slightly) more realistic espionage stories, The Professionals was far grittier even than that. Mixing The New Avengers formula with gritty crime dramas like The Sweeney, it was a curious mix of Avengers-like high concept thrillers with grimy street-level realism.
And when I say ‘realism’, obviously I mean as imagined by some very middle class writers whose entire experience of “the streets” was formed by what they saw on The Sweeney every week. Still, it could have been worse – Dixon of Dock Green was still running until 1976.
What’s it about?
The show details the ongoing struggles of a fictional government department called CI5 – Criminal Intelligence, Department 5 (what happened to Departments 1-4, I wonder?). A portmanteau of MI5 and the CID, it has a very broad remit to deal with both crime and terrorism, as the plot of each episode demands. It also, inexplicably, has permission to break every law about due process that exists in order to deal with said problems. I can believe such a department would exist. It’s rather less plausible that its existence would be common knowledge to everyone, but apparently just flashing a CI5 ID gets you clearance to do whatever you want. OK, let’s go with it.
Who are our heroes?
Despite being, presumably, quite a large department, we only really see three members of CI5. They are:
George Cowley
The boss. The head honcho. The big cheese. Played by old stager Gordon Jackson, Cowley is the traditional “firm but fair” chief of every crime drama ever. He’s not by the book, though, oh no. He’ll do whatever it takes – some of which is pretty unethical. Imagine if Dirty Harry was actually in charge. And Scottish.
Cowley may be mostly stuck at HQ, but he’s more than willing to get stuck in when the script demands. Still, most of the action demands… younger men. Men like…
William Bodie
Previously of the Army, and indeed the SAS, Bodie (he’s never referred to by his first name) is a tough guy. I mean, really, really tough. Except when he isn’t. Played by Lewis Collins, one of the screen’s great also-rans (despite being on the shortlist for James Bond at one time, this was his only starring role), Bodie brings his knowledge of military tactics and soldiery to the streets of the UK when it is most needed. And often when it isn’t.
A bit of a ladies’ man (though usually outfoxed by his potential conquests), Bodie will never hesitate to give anyone a good thumping. Even his partner (in the work sense), with whom his epic bromance will be the stuff of shirtless, trouserless homoerotic legend. And that partner is…
Ray Doyle
A former Detective Constable from… somewhere (his original beat is never specified, but despite being apparently from the Midlands, he seems to know all the lowlifes in London), Doyle is the liberal softie of the pair (this is indicated by his reading The Guardian). This doesn’t prevent him from generally bullying, beating and thumping suspects in a way that… well, let’s be honest, was probably fairly normal for a police officer in the 1970s. CI5 is perfect for him, as it seems to be immune from any public scrutiny or inquiry.
Doyle is played by now-respected actor (and indeed the only survivor of the main cast) Martin Shaw, who for years considered this show the kind of embarrassing, sordid secret that you did when you were young and you needed the money. For years, he blocked repeats and home media releases of the show, until, it seems, he needed the money again.
What do they do?
Every episode sees the dynamic duo (sometimes with Cowley out from his desk to help them) foxing some elaborate and less than plausible scheme that might be criminal, terrorist, or both. They do this by running, shouting, shooting, and particularly, driving – the show became legendary for its gratuitous car chases, which I’ll note as I go along, since every car involved is now a beloved classic. Unfortunately, they weren’t then, so if you’re a classic car lover, prepare to wince as that beautiful, irreplaceable Vauxhall Ventora FD is casually blown up in the name of entertainment. They do kill a few Morris Marinas though, so it’s not all bad.
What do they wear?
Oh dear. It was the 70s, and these are tough, macho guys, so… leather. So much leather. Usually only the jackets, we’re not talking full fetish gear (homoerotic though it may be). But that was only the tip of the iceberg where questionable 1970s fashion choices were concerned. Whether it be a bright red shirt with collars wide enough to hang glide with, or an entire outfit in varyingly lurid shades of green, Bodie and Doyle would find it at Man at C&A and strut around in it with no shame. Cowley at least just went with the trad suit, tie and overcoat. Timeless.
So, that’s The Professionals. If you’re my age, you probably remember it (though you may not have seen it since the late 70s). If not, well, you might enjoy this. Or at least, have a good laugh. Episode by episode to follow…
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