“How many stake outs you been on, Bodie?”
The one where…
The stakes escalate dramatically when Bodie and Doyle’s stakeout of a bowling alley reveals a plan to nuke Central London.
After the rather overambitious attempt at spectacle in the previous episode, this one goes completely the opposite way by having an entire episode mostly set in one location. And you know what? It’s much, much better. Unfolding over the course of about four hours, as Bodie and Doyle stake out a bowling alley after a CI5 agent is killed with a scorecard in his pocket, the episode is both tense and, surprisingly, funny.
Dennis Spooner, writing his first script of several for the series, makes the most of the bowling alley setting and one-night timeframe to give us a little microcosm of society, with a variety of well-sketched and often comic characters. CI5 don’t know who killed the unfortunate Fraser or why, and just about everyone in the bowling alley is acting in some kind of eccentric and/or suspicious way, leading to many red herrings for Bodie and Doyle.
Who are pretty conspicuous themselves, for that matter. The script amusingly plays on the fact that Bodie, an ex-army guy with a tendency to go in all guns blazing, has no idea how to act low-key for a stakeout. It then amusingly flips the script when the hotheaded Doyle (an ex-copper who knows all about stakeouts) loses his rag with a truculent fellow bowler accusing him of cheating, and Bodie has to restrain him with a gritted-teeth smile.
As the ep goes on, the pair find themselves arresting suspect after suspect, none of whom have anything to do with their case – a sexy but drug-addicted young blonde; a raincoat-clad pervert clandestinely taking photos of pretty girls’ legs; and the aggressive bowler who tried to start a fight with Doyle. They finally get a break when a respectable but feverish-looking guy collapses with a wad of cash in his pocket.
A series of contrived coincidences lead Cowley to figure out that the man works at a plutonium processing plant, and that a bowling alley regular is actually the terrorist leader of an African white supremacist group (yes, another one). But while Cowley goes haring off on a wild goose chase to confront the terrorist in Bedford and defuse his nuclear bomb, the actual bomb is delivered to the bowling alley in London – handily, it’s exactly the size and shape of a bowling ball. A tense third act then follows Bodie and Doyle as they try to “persuade” the bomb maker to defuse it for them.
How dodgy is Cowley this week?
Actually, he’s fine. Goes in heavy handed as usual, but fair’s fair – there’s a nuclear bomb about to blow up five miles of Central London. Niceties can probably be dispensed with.
You might be wondering what he’s done with his usual secretary, the hugely capable Betty, though. In fact, with this production block nearing its end, things were getting a bit chaotic, with previous eps’ shooting overrunning, and prep being made for the final one, so actress Bridget Brice was otherwise engaged.
In her stead comes new secretary Sarah – so named because the actress available for the part was called Sarah Grazebrook. Nothing wrong with her, but don’t worry – Betty’s back in the next ep, which she was already busy filming.
The cars
You’d expect an episode mainly set in one location not to feature a lot of cars – but you’d be wrong.
The first one we see is doomed CI5 agent Fraser’s yellow Ford Cortina MkIII. You can be fairly certain he’s going to crash it as soon as you see it, as it’s an old model and not in the best of condition. And so it proves, with Fraser (the actor really was a stuntman) sliding it sideways into a pile of clearly empty cardboard boxes – the first appearance of a trope that would later be mocked mercilessly in Comic Strip parody The Bullshitters.
Fortunately Cowley is waiting for him in his now usual yellow Ford Granada Mk2.
It’s that blue Cortina MkIV again, this time back in the hands of CI5 as Benny uses it to drive Bodie and Doyle to the bowling alley.
Returning to the bowling alley to nick even more people, Bodie and Doyle turn up in the less-frequently seen Capri MkII with the huge flared wheel arches.
The “Fat Man” who is behind the whole plan drives a yellow 1976 Mercedes 200, registration LVS 423P, that was a common sight on British TV. You may remember it from the Sweeney episode guest-starring Morecambe and Wise, or even from early 90s Adrian Mole-alike Channel 4 comedy Teenage Health Freak (by which time it was starting to look decidedly ratty).
1970s clothes
Not even Bodie and Doyle can change clothes multiple times in the four hours or so in which this story takes place, so they remain in the same outfits throughout.
Doyle is wearing a black and red rugby shirt with one of his many plaid jackets over it, while Bodie is back in the many-shades-of-brown rollneck and cardigan combo last seen in Close Quarters.
We do at least find out, from their choice of bowling shoes, that Bodie and Doyle take a size 8 and a size 9 – though we don’t know which is which.
1970s references
Bowling alleys may be ubiquitous now in the UK, but this American tradition took a long time to catch on. The Hemel Hempstead alley seen here was, by 1977, not all that much a rarity (apparently it was the only one prepared to close for long enough to allow shooting), but they were far less common than they are today. This explains why neither Bodie nor Doyle have ever played the game, and haven’t got a clue what the rules are or how to score it.
The baddies, yet another white supremacist group, want to blow up London because the government won’t recognise “White Africa”. This was topical because of the longstanding sanctions against South Africa for its segregationist apartheid regime. Yet again though, HD allows us to see that the newspaper story underneath the plot-relevant headline is about something else entirely – Michael Foot’s efforts to oversee the nascent Scottish devolution.
As the pervy photographer asks for his camera back, CI5 agent Benny sighs and says, “come on, David Bailey.” Actually more of a 60s reference – Bailey was a world-famous British fashion photographer in Swinging London.
Hey, it’s that guy from that thing!
The Professionals has frequently featured characters who are not given names in the credits, or onscreen, or both. This one takes it to a new level, with fairly major roles credited simply as “Attractive Blonde”, “Peanut Eater”, and, wince-makingly, “Handsome Negro”.
Main bad guy Bob (who does get a name) is played by Barry Jackson, a ubiquitous face on 70s TV. Jackson, who also did stunts under the name Jack Barry, is one of those actors who was in just about everything, though Doctor Who fans will fondly remember him as comic Cockney Time Lord Drax in 1978’s The Armageddon Factor.
Another face familiar to Who fans is David Collings, here playing (named) bomb-maker Frank. Collings, a prolific character actor, had two major guest roles in Who, in 1977’s The Robots of Death and 1983’s Mawdryn Undead; but genre fans probably know him best as the impish Silver in Sapphire and Steel.
Making her second appearance in the show as the obviously drug-addicted “Attractive Blonde” is future Not the Nine O’Clock News star Pamela Stephenson. Stephenson, previously mute in her earlier appearance as a hostage in Old Dogs With New Tricks, gets some lines here which clearly display her native Australian accent.
That’s the familiar face of Tony Osoba as the unfortunately named “Handsome Negro” (apparently later drafts of the script identify him as “Martin Taylor”, but the name isn’t used in dialogue or the credits). It’s not his familiar voice though – he’s dropped his native Scottish accent, which Porridge fans will remember in his regular role as Slade prison inmate Jock McClaren. And of course he’s been in Doctor Who three times – 1979 (Destiny of the Daleks), 1987 (Dragonfire), and 2014 (Kill the Moon).
The (again, unnamed) Doctor baffled by a case of “plutonium poisoning” is played by prolific character actor Ronald Leigh-Hunt, familiar from bit parts like the one in The Omen, and larger roles like the one in Doctor Who story Revenge of the Cybermen.
Nice bit of dialogue
Doyle, exasperated at Bodie’s cluelessness: “What do you want us to do, announce we’re on a stakeout? Maybe we should just yell out, ‘anybody wanna confess?’”
Later, as Bodie’s conspicuously scoping out the place without actually bowling:
Bodie: “I mean, do you see anyone acting suspicious?”
Doyle: “Yes. Us.”
The “Fat Man” walks past, holding a bowling ball.
Bodie: Can’t be very good for the figure.”
The “Attractive Blonde” walks by, Doyle very obviously staring at her backside.
Doyle: “Oh, I dunno…”
Casual Sexism
It’s a bit rich for Bodie and Doyle to arrest that raincoat-clad pervert for snapping sneaky shots of girls’ legs, considering that they’ve been leching shamelessly over those same girls since walking into the bowling alley.
Stake Out is a hugely entertaining episode that shows you don’t need to have masses of gunfire and car chases to be fun (there’s still a fair bit of punching, mind). Dennis Spooner, responsible for some of the wittiest 60s Doctor Who stories, brings his wry sense of humour to the gritty Professionals with excellent results, allowing even central hardmen Bodie and Doyle to have moments of being comedy characters.
The direction makes the most of the bowling alley setting, and gives us the kind of tense, bomb defusing/countdown ending that was so good in Goldfinger – on a fraction of the budget. In fact, with the schedules getting fraught at the end of this production block, Stake Out actually has three directors – Ben Bolt, David Wickes and Sidney Hayers, credited under the clever portmanteau pseudonym of Benjamin Wickers. It’s impressive that they manage to produce something so not only coherent but fun.
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